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Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Unless by Vivien Jackson

NOTE: EROTICA 18 and over


Laura's romance novel and night alone is interrupted by her sometime lover, whose passion and skill never fail to please her. How long will he stay this time?


Please note this is straight erotica.

If you are looking for a short story to set the mood, this is it. The story line is believable, unlike a cheesy porn. Two people highly attracted to each other, but at different places in life. The emotion is there. The sex is there. The writing is there.

The only issue I had was a few editing quirks that might have been the authors or house style. I'm not sure since I haven't read any other stories from this publisher, but they were a bit jarring. Other than that, I enjoyed this little tale.

I give this story 5 hearts. Reviewed by

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  1. Thank you so much for reviewing my story. Please feel free to let me know which stylistic things were jarring, and I'll make sure to alter those in future stories. Getting this writing thing right is an ongoing process for me, and I'm always happy to get feedback. Thanks again!

  2. One thing was the numbers were written and not spelled out.

    The other was in one paragraph she says: "No... oh god,... I was reading this book," You shouldn't have two punctuations just one like: "No...oh god...I was reading this book," No spaces between words and ... either. I thought this was a typo but in the same paragraph it says: Now?! You should again choose only one punctuation.

    Now these could be typos or put in on purpose. The reader isn't sure, so they stop to think about it. Or at least I did. That's what I mean by the jarring, it took me out of the moment of the scene to think about why these were in there. Of course, I know no edit is perfect. There will always be mistakes in books and I overlook them until it becomes a real problem. And in that case, I throw the book down and never give it a review. To me, these were minor issues.

    I would love to hear if this would jar anyone else. Or if you'd have no problem with it.

  3. The ?! is something I like, because you can exclaim a question. The other thing I'm neutral on.

  4. Drat that double end punctuation! I can't believe I wrote that. Excellent feedback. Thank you, Jasmine.

  5. And thank you, Kel, also for the feedback. Like Jasmine, I've had the "no double end punctuation" drilled into me. I've also watched veteran writers like Harlan Ellison butcher that rule -- along with a whole slew of others -- because they're awesome and can get away with it. Someday I hope to be able to thumb my nose thusly, but right now, I need to toe the line a little better.

  6. Thanks for the feedback Kel.

    Vivien, I've never read Harlan Ellison, but I think a lot of authors who have a ton of books under them and don't seem to have to follow all the rules the little guys do fall into two categories. They have either been writing for a long time and style rules have changed, yet they haven't. Or, they don't give a care about rules and write how they want to. Since they already have a following, they can get away with it easier. I think a lot of their readers are also long time readers and are used to the author's style.

    For me, if I pick up a big name author I have never read and they are writing in an older style - like head hoping - I don't care what their name is, I won't buy any more of their books. But I also have problems reading a story and not looking for issues since I write, review and edit. I never had these problems when I was just a reader. I could read head hoping all day and never know the difference.

    (Please don't get the wrong idea about "just a reader". You don't have to be a writer to read or be smart, but when you start studing the craft of writing, some things jump out at you that didn't before. There's nothing wrong with it. Trust me, I love just readers!)

  7. I never had these problems when I was just a reader

    I've gone through similar stages over the years, so I know exactly what you mean. Stories that seemed brilliant to me in college look a little tarnished now. It's probably like watching a beloved childhood television show later in adulthood and cringing, "Did I really like that?"